Tuesday, 02 June 2009

• Currently Mer de Noms By A Perfect Circle Rose see related

  back from the USA (pronounced OOH-SA) Land!

  well i got back from California a while back... exactly a month to the tee.... I had planned on writing lots while I was in california but I think I just absorbed in all the lolling around and laziness and just enjoying myself, my time with my family. doing nothing that I just didn't write in here all this time... Lots happened of course. Like a fellow blogger once wrote which I liked very much... " It always means life is good when I'm not writing in here" loll.. the good thing is that i got to do a lot of thinking while i was there.... and in turn it has affected the way i look at life and i've made the necessary changes to make it go in the direction where I'm happy with myself and my life. One major change I made was I got out of the damaging relationship I was in. I think I stuck on much longer than necessary because I was scared of being alone. Its kinda sad, it's like I would rather be unhappy with myself and my relationship and the direction my life was going in than be alone and that said a lot about my independence. Every time I brought up the issues with my boyfriend at the time (now my ex) he stopped caring about what those issues were because he knew sooner or later even though I said I wanted to break up or if i was upset or mad at him he knew Id take him back. He had become used to taking me for granted. He laid a hand on me more times than I can count on my fingers. It was all eating me up inside. I had the courage and the time to take a look at my life and what I had in it when chilling at home in California. I think that time and space of being away from my ex helped me get the confidence to tell him to F*ck off. When I finally got back I told him I had had enough and I broke up with him... 2 weeks into my vacation I got an email from my boss that the process went back and we had been laid off. In his terms we hadn't technically been laid off since he was offering jobs in another process taking calls. But no way was I going back to those damn night shifts and taking calls.. The devil couldn't drag me there.. So he asked me whether I wanted to put down my papers or what I wanted to do... I told him without a doubt put my papers down... My boss tried to tempt me with false promises or as i like to call it "give the monkey a banana" but I had heard his promises plenty of times and seen them fall through. In fact I wanted to leave 6 months earlier and I realized with the recession it would be smarter to stick on than to switch jobs...so I stayed even though I hated the management and job itself because there was no work... It was kind of stressful to be at home trying to enjoy a nice relaxed holiday after what a bajillion years??? only to find out that suddenly I had no job...It was kind of unnerving but I knew Id always been resourceful and lucky bout finding a job so I was keen to get back to Pune soon and start my job hunting.. Id also realized my break into the internet marketing field was a god send and I wanted to continue working in the SEO (Search engine optimization) field because I really learned a lot and was genuinely interested in this career. When i got back I had to deal with the ugliness of ending a relationship where my ex just didn't want to end it, or couldn't come to terms that I was ending it... In many ways it wasn't fair because i had a whole month to come to terms that I didn't want this relationship anymore and that I was done with his abuse and his overpowering nature and then I came back to Pune and just shocked the hell out of him by telling him its over... but then that's life. And he deserved it for the way he treated me... I was so busy trying to convince myself that everything was fine and perfect I had even camouflaged the parts of my relationship that should have had me running... When i stepped back to analyze the whole relationship I had with my ex and what it had evolved into and all the warning signs along the way I just felt so foolish for letting it roll on this long.. I guess I deserved it because exactly 2 yrs ago I was in a relationship with a guy. A very special guy... I told everyone I had met him in college when I was in NY but the truth was I had met him in a chatroom online. We were both 18 back then. young and stupid and I was madly in love with this stranger that i had never met...To cut a long story short I moved to India to do my college degree and lost touch with him. In 2007 I bumped into him online and I found out he was in Mumbai and we finally met for the first time...He was getting out of a bad relationship.. I had just been seperated from my ex husband who had kicked me out and abandoned me...It was love at first click...We had a relationship for 7 months i think before he had to go back to Kuwait after his oracle studies were finished.. I thought Id never see him again. I never thought he was serious about me so I dumped him when I met a college friend who was interested in dating me... It was the ugliest meanest thing Ive ever done to anyone... if you knew me Im usually the person who gets dumped so this was a real first for me... I felt so horrible but I thought it was the right thing to do... I was unintentionally crueler than necessary because I didnt have the balls to tell him that i was dating someone else and he saw those pics on orkut... it mustve been a bitchy thing... ugh... anyways we kinda talked once in a blue moon.. but since then that guy from college turned out to be a bastard and then i got stuck with this guy whos now my ex for the past year trying to convince myself it was meant to be.... and then by chance while i was at the end of my trip in california i happened to send him a wallpaper of this band he got me into... i never even expected him to respond... and if anything prolly something mean and bitter for the way that i had left him heartbroken.. but instead it was his pouring out of feelings for the way his life has been since i left him.. and how he missed those days of hanging out with me... and how his parents want him to settle down...and he cant picture settling down with just any chick... but he wanted someone like me.... so since that day... we havent committed committed... we're sorta kinda back together but we wanna see where this takes us... he wants to come back and see how things are with me.. and if he still feels the vibe then i guess we're planning on getting married. i just feel blessed that im getting a second chance with him... i hope and pray that it works out... since then everything has been going right for me... i got this super amazing job in pune doing internet marketing and im learning so much and i love my boss. Im so excited... I just hope everything goes as planned... because im getting too old to deal with anymore mistakes int he relationship department... anywho.... i think this is a long ramble enough.... will write more next time... maybe continue the story or tell u whats up currently... either way... it feels good to be back and bloggging... hmmmmm.... this light is turned offf...
  

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